I would be intersted in reading the article that you are talking about. I will see if I can find it online using those keywords.
This cannot be more obviuously geared towards a current situation that I am going through. This has come up more than once in my life.
This is coming about due to the fact that I married a man who lied to me telling me that he did not use, like or need pornography. All this was on the table before we said our "I do's". I had already been through this with my first husband whom I found looking at child pornography, scrotal inflation, sex with amputated limbs, sex with anorexics, sex with animals - you name it.
I have no problem with masterbation. I think it is a good thing on many levels. I actually like fantasising about my husband masterbating. That is what I do when I am without him and feeling sexual. I fantasise about him.
Unfortunately, I have been doing many different things, all that I am capable of. I am not a missionary-only girl. I was doing other interesting things until it actually caused me some health problems - I am sure you can imagine what that is.
I am finding a husband who is obviously not satisfied or excited by what I am doing. Maybe, he doesn't like what I look like. Or, he would not have risked his marriage to go out and find what he needed/wanted in pornography. I just don't know. He isn't telling me anything.
You must have trust in marriage, and after this, I fear I will not be able to trust him. He should have been honest about this before we got married, as it is a seriously sensitive issue for me after what occured in my first marriage.
I also believe that if he is capacble of lying to me and hiding this, he might also be capable of making other decisions and hiding them from me, such as an affair. If I cannot trust him to my feelings, how can I trust him with my body?
Just to let you know, I am not trying to pass judgement on anyone else and their own personal boudries set up within their own relationships. I do uderstand that for many couples, it is all fine and good. What I have a hard time understanding is that I was honest and upfront, and my spouse was not.
Not only did he not tell me that this was an obvious necessity in his life, he did not communicate his feelings about it. He didn't before, and he hasn't now. He still hasn't told me much that might help me understand. The only thing I get out of him is "I don't know". That answer isn't helping me resolve this issue. I need to understand. Maybe I can accept it - who knows?
I am aware that I have an extreme point of view on the subject, and for all the other views and values I have or don't have, it is rather odd that I have a problem when it comes to this issue. I am aware of that.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2006-08-14 05:46 pm (UTC)This cannot be more obviuously geared towards a current situation that I am going through. This has come up more than once in my life.
This is coming about due to the fact that I married a man who lied to me telling me that he did not use, like or need pornography. All this was on the table before we said our "I do's". I had already been through this with my first husband whom I found looking at child pornography, scrotal inflation, sex with amputated limbs, sex with anorexics, sex with animals - you name it.
I have no problem with masterbation. I think it is a good thing on many levels. I actually like fantasising about my husband masterbating. That is what I do when I am without him and feeling sexual. I fantasise about him.
Unfortunately, I have been doing many different things, all that I am capable of. I am not a missionary-only girl. I was doing other interesting things until it actually caused me some health problems - I am sure you can imagine what that is.
I am finding a husband who is obviously not satisfied or excited by what I am doing. Maybe, he doesn't like what I look like. Or, he would not have risked his marriage to go out and find what he needed/wanted in pornography. I just don't know. He isn't telling me anything.
You must have trust in marriage, and after this, I fear I will not be able to trust him. He should have been honest about this before we got married, as it is a seriously sensitive issue for me after what occured in my first marriage.
I also believe that if he is capacble of lying to me and hiding this, he might also be capable of making other decisions and hiding them from me, such as an affair. If I cannot trust him to my feelings, how can I trust him with my body?
Just to let you know, I am not trying to pass judgement on anyone else and their own personal boudries set up within their own relationships. I do uderstand that for many couples, it is all fine and good. What I have a hard time understanding is that I was honest and upfront, and my spouse was not.
Not only did he not tell me that this was an obvious necessity in his life, he did not communicate his feelings about it. He didn't before, and he hasn't now. He still hasn't told me much that might help me understand. The only thing I get out of him is "I don't know". That answer isn't helping me resolve this issue. I need to understand. Maybe I can accept it - who knows?
I am aware that I have an extreme point of view on the subject, and for all the other views and values I have or don't have, it is rather odd that I have a problem when it comes to this issue. I am aware of that.
...........