"risked his marriage to go out and find what he needed/wanted in pornography"
Do you seriously think porn would be a reason to leave him? If not, then it's not a risk. Lies are another thing, entirely; on the other hand, since porn is very taboo, a lot of people are very uncomfortable talking about it. He may be evading and hiding because he's embarassed, not because he wants to decieve you. Trust is a two-way street; he has to trust that you will not make him feel bad if he talks about the porn. That means you have to talk about it in a positive way, avoiding negative terms and closed or disapproving body language. A therapist will do these things with you, so that may help.
The tension from your feelings of disconnect and lack of intimacy due to your feelings of mistrust may make him MORE likely to seek alternative outlets for his desires (But he seems like the kind to watch porn instead of dog around on you, which is good! That should make you want to trust him more!).
"I thought that within time, I would begin to see an inner person. Either he is not allowing me to know his inner self, or there just isn't one.... I am never getting to see a soft underbelly, the vulnerable 'I need you' side."
He sounds like a typical masculine male. Men express their emotions differently than women. When a woman expresses emotional pain, she cries, talks, screams, sulks and presents a host of nonverbal cues. When a man expresses emotional pain, he drinks, fights, becomes irritable or critical, becomes absorbed in a hobby or work, and perhaps takes stupid risks (like DUI and drugs). This is because men are supposed to be masculine, and masculine people don't cry, talk about their feelings, or otherwise become visibly upset (other than angry). Masculine people also don't express joy as easily, so watch out for that, too. Latino men, by the way, tend to be very VERY high on masculinity scales. His family, his father, are probably just as stoic as he is, or moreso.
That has almost nothing to do with pornography. The pornography issue is just an instantiation of the transnational gender relations that happen to be a factor in your marriage.
Read Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus or get really deep into gender sociology, or women's studies, or men's studies, or gender psychology. I'd recommend the book.
no subject
Do you seriously think porn would be a reason to leave him? If not, then it's not a risk. Lies are another thing, entirely; on the other hand, since porn is very taboo, a lot of people are very uncomfortable talking about it. He may be evading and hiding because he's embarassed, not because he wants to decieve you. Trust is a two-way street; he has to trust that you will not make him feel bad if he talks about the porn. That means you have to talk about it in a positive way, avoiding negative terms and closed or disapproving body language. A therapist will do these things with you, so that may help.
The tension from your feelings of disconnect and lack of intimacy due to your feelings of mistrust may make him MORE likely to seek alternative outlets for his desires (But he seems like the kind to watch porn instead of dog around on you, which is good! That should make you want to trust him more!).
"I thought that within time, I would begin to see an inner person. Either he is not allowing me to know his inner self, or there just isn't one.... I am never getting to see a soft underbelly, the vulnerable 'I need you' side."
He sounds like a typical masculine male. Men express their emotions differently than women. When a woman expresses emotional pain, she cries, talks, screams, sulks and presents a host of nonverbal cues. When a man expresses emotional pain, he drinks, fights, becomes irritable or critical, becomes absorbed in a hobby or work, and perhaps takes stupid risks (like DUI and drugs). This is because men are supposed to be masculine, and masculine people don't cry, talk about their feelings, or otherwise become visibly upset (other than angry). Masculine people also don't express joy as easily, so watch out for that, too. Latino men, by the way, tend to be very VERY high on masculinity scales. His family, his father, are probably just as stoic as he is, or moreso.
That has almost nothing to do with pornography. The pornography issue is just an instantiation of the transnational gender relations that happen to be a factor in your marriage.
Read Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus or get really deep into gender sociology, or women's studies, or men's studies, or gender psychology. I'd recommend the book.