A young man wonders

[celticacid.livejournal.com]

I'm 22 and I work as an offshore production clerk in the Louisiana Oilfield. I'm two hours away from my home and i'm STUCK out here. When something goes wrong (Water getting shut off becasue I did'nt transfer my name onto the new home i bought)at home I hate it, there is'nt a whole bunch that I really can do. It makes me feel terrible that I am sucking terribly at what i'm trying to do...be a provider(the one thing my father only ever was....)I mean I can't say i'm failing, or that I am not entranced with the concept of being her every salvation and shining light(Who I sometimes feel she wants more than anyhting)....but i'm tragically mortal, prone to hazards and down cycles. I want to be stronger for her. I want to feel like a man not like some akward irresponsible 15 year old that i'm accused of being and often feel like I am. Do guys these days even face problems like this? I mean the very concept of being a man is changing to mean almost nothing...it sounds almost archaic to face a crisis like this.. but I mean, I want to possess confidence and be powerful, I want to be loved by her, but more than that I want to be admired by her. I don't care for machismo, it's about those subtle inner strengths, those issues of character... I want to be like my grandfather, a leader of his community, his church,(Though I remain proudly atheist I respect his reliougness as he approaches it with his heart and his mind) respected by his brothers and his son and his family, a man whose name precedes him, a man known for his integrity and his willingness to do what is needed.
xposted to my personal journal.

Comments

[lenagogan.livejournal.com]

Perhaps if you stop thinking about yourself as a man who needs to provide and support your wife and think about yourself as a person who needs to provide and support your life partner, I think you will find a lot of the answers you're looking for. It seems like you want to be an adult first and foremost and that this doesn't have anything to do with your masculinity, except that you recognize it as the most obvious difference between you and your wife.

And living in NOLA myself, I understand how you're feeling. You might want to seek counseling when you're onshore.

Be yourself, not a man

[chief-hub.livejournal.com]

I amonly recently begining to think about what it means to be a man. And I am discovering that what is more important than being a man is being a person. Being a man is limiting. It is a preconceived societal construct which if you, or I, do not fall into the pre-fab man formula end up with split selves. Part of the self is denied--the part that does not conform to a patriarchal (that is our vision) view of a man. So what I'm looking into are what parts of myself that feel natural to me that I am embarressed of. Motivation has a lot to do with it. Being a provider is what you want to do? But why? Is it to tkae care of the person you love, to enable her to grow and be the person whe is or aspires to be. Or do you want to be a provider for your own sense of self tobe fulfilled? And what do you want to provide? A house? Money? Security? How about mutuality in the relationship? Providing her with a complete you, a you not limited by preconceived notions of how your supposed to be? How about providing intimacy? I'm not saying you don't do these; in your posting though all you mentioned were the material things. This is also the kind of stuff I'm dealing with and I'm twenty-nine.

Ben