Pornography and relationships......

[orchidia.livejournal.com]

Hi, all. I am a 27 year old female who has been married and divorced once, and then, I married again. I have never really taken on any 'titles' to my points of view. I have strong feelings about things, but I have never classified them into a group of other's beliefs. I have never found one system of beliefs that fit everything I think and feel, so I don't bother trying to find one. I don't believe in God or any spiritual entity, but I do have my own ideas about morality.

I am curious how different people in this community might feel about pornography. I am curious if one feels it is okay at a certain point in life when one is not married or in a relationship. I am curious about one's feelings of its use inside a marriage with or without a spouse who consents to it. I am curious how one thinks their spouse should react to it. I am curious if one thinks it affects how he/she looks at him/herself. I am curious if one thinks it affects how he/she looks at others. I am curious how one thinks it changes their expectations in real sexual relationships. I am curious if one thinks it creates intimacy issues inside a relationship.

There are many other curiosities I can come up with, and if you are curious about my own viewpoint, you can read my own personal journal entry on it, which was the last entry I made in my own journal.

I am curious about this, obviously that I am posting it in this community, in a male viewpoint, as pornography is mainly geared towards men, and I believe them to be the main consumers of pornographic material.

Comments

[firecat]

My view is that any porno or erotic material that isn't made by exploiting people is fine to use, and that spouses don't get to object to it any more than they get to object to what novels their spouse reads for fun.

I also think that it's rude to read your novel if your spouse wants to interact with you, and rude to read your novel aloud to your spouse if your spouse doesn't want to be read aloud to. The same goes for porn: If you like it and your spouse doesn't, then consume it when you're not around your spouse. (I don't mean be secretive about it, just don't rub their nose in it.)

As for how porn affects how people look at themselves and others, and how it changes people's expectations of real relationships, and whether it creates intimacy issues...this depends on the people involved. Insofar as consuming media affects these things for the worse, I believe that all media and not just porn can affect these things. So it doesn't make sense to single out porn for criticism.

By the way, I am 44 years old, female, and I consume more porn (mainly comic books) than my male life partner, with whom I have a good intimate relationship.

[mediaprophet.livejournal.com]

Is it yaoi? Women reading yaoi manga is an issue that interests me. In "typical" mainstream porn, there is a man and a woman, and the viewer - usually a man - looks at it and often imagines himself in the position of the man in the film or pictures. In traditional mainstream porn with no men in it (hustler, "lesbian" porn for straight men, strip bars) the action and shots are posed explicitly to show off attractive women so that men can desire them and imagine (desire) having sex with them.

Yaoi, which is commonly consumed by some friends of mine (and my wife) has no role for the woman to imagine herself taking. Do yaoi-consumers imagine themselves to be one of the men? Which one? The seme or the uke? Either? Both?

My theory is that the story interests the consumer as much as the dirty drawings. This is related to why women consume smutty romance novels. Women are turned on by something in the stories in yaoi and the stories in romance novels. It may be related to a gendered desire for a protector or provider; there's an element of relationship building (which implies emotional and physical support) in both romance and yaoi, and in yaoi, the physical support can often manifest as literal physical defense against attacks.

[firecat]

No, I don't read yaoi porn. The porn I read has male-female and female-female sex; both women's and men's bodies are depicted but the women's bodies tend to be more on display than the men's. Insofar as I "imagine" myself into the story I am identifying with all the characters.

I assume you know about slash fandom?

[orchidia.livejournal.com]

You do all realise that I have no idea what you are talking about when you talk about these different types of pornography, novels, comics, etc.

I have enjoyed my sexlife up to my 27 years of age without using pornography in any form, which I have been sexually active for 14 of those years, and so, I am really at a loss for any of what you speak about.

Am I missing something? How could I when I don't even know what I am to be missing.

[firecat]

Yaoi is a term for Japanese porn, often in comic book form, that depicts sex between men.

You aren't missing anything essential to your sex life by not consuming porn, any more than a person would be missing something essential to their food life by not consuming peanut butter.